Loving Awareness

After postponing so many weeks I finally start cleaning my small bedroom. Because I don't have much storage space, many of my things are under my bed. One by one I take them out from there and clean them with a wet cloth.


Then I take the vacuum cleaner to suck the royal scarlet carpeted floor. It is already quite late in the evening and impatiently I give a tug on the vacuum cleaner hose. The vacuum cleaner does not want to follow me in the small walkway next to my bed. Deep inside I blame the thing and my impatience is growing. But around a corner of my mind suddenly the clear consciousness appears, that the vacuum cleaner cannot do otherwise. Because the angle in which he is situated, makes it  impossible for him to take the bend to the small walkway.

I see how helpless the vacuum cleaner is. And how dependent he is on my movements. How willing he is. And that he cannot move otherwise, if he cannot take a wide turn. How many times I have already damaged him. Then he was suddenly lying on his back, as a tor, which is dying, with his wheels up in the living room, because I was pulling him forcibly, whether his wheels could manage or not. Or he was standing up straight, because I suddenly changed my course and then feel down in the direction I had chosen.

I remember that Osho spoke about a Zen master, who said to his discipel: "if you slam the door hard, go back and apologize to it."
I feel this is so beautiful !

I see that in my haste I do not only walk beyond the vacuum cleaner, but also beyond myself.
I take one step back towards the corner of my bed, give a friendly, wide swivel to the hose of the vacuum cleaner and say "sorry" to the red, faithful thing. I know how many people' who call themselves 'realistic', would consider me as crazy. But by this 'sorry' such a new quality arises in me. A friendliness; a softness; a respectful attitude. And a consciousness, that whatever happens to my things, is in most cases my own responsibility. Also the quality of the vacuum cleaner changes for me. He gets a soul. He is not longer a thing, but something that is 'alive'. And something starts happening between us; a connection; we need each other.

This is such a nice feeling. By this everything around me is more alive: even the so-called lifeless things. My whole small house is alive, my balcony too. All things, the toy animals on my sofa. And whether they are alive or not, depends on my attitude.

The next morning I want to shake my leg after an exercise, bumping hard against my new red armchair. My first impulse is to become angry with the armchair. But it's mè who did not see him. That chair just gets a kick from me...

I have to conquer something, yes, to conquer my pride... but then give my armchair an apologizing stroke. The chair regains its dignity in my room. And I have become a little bit more humble.

Grateful I start making a cup of coffee for myself and I do my best not to need to apologize to a cup which I put down too hard on my kitchen sink...