Communicate

I'm at supermarket 'Albert Heijn' to enjoy my self-designed A3 poster (with an invitation to a lecture). And then the shock: it's no longer there. After one day already it's gone! I had done my best so much and it was pretty pricey. And now, just out of the blue: it disappeared...

meditatie

With big steps I walk to the information desk and ask angrily at a lady of Albert Heijn, who is behind the counter, how this could have happened. (I automatically assume, that the poster has been removed by someone of Albert Heijn.) The Lady tells me right away, that Albert Heijn never removes anything. That the message board is public and that it's my responsibility, if I hang on anything there. She mentions that she worked in the supermarket yesterday and the day before.
Hesitantly she looks at the message board...

I don't trust her. Because of her hesitation. So deep is the conviction that my poster must  have been taken away by someone of Albert Heijn. I'm getting angrier and angrier. Especially the sentence on that I am myself responsible, makes me so mad. And my emotion-thinking takes the upper hand. My judgements about the woman behind the counter are piling up. Another woman of Albert Heijn shows up, who asks what is going on. She confirms that Albert Heijn never removes anything from the message board, only if it's over the date. She sounds more confident. From her I accept the message.

Then I cycle off. I feel my anger stems from the fact that I feel betrayed by someone, who has taken away something, on which I have worked hard.

As I am cycling along, I realize, that the woman behind the counter had nothing to do with my anger. I rehearse what she has said. And see, that my anger had interpreted her look to the bulletin board as hesitant and therefor unreliable. Everything I observed at that information desk passed through the filter of my angry ears and eyes.

Only now I hear how she said she had been working in Albert Heijn yesterday and the day before yesterday. That was meant trying to solve something for me. I imagine how she must feel now. I have regrets.

I see that there were two things today, that had had given me the feeling to be disadvantaged and these things have been piling up to this attitude of mine. And I recognize, that they connect with things, which have happened before in my life and which have nothing to do with this poster.

I try to imagine, who was the person, who removed this poster. The poster was brightly colored, radiant, exuberant and very large. There hung my A3 format between almost all smaller A4 pages. That must have created jealousy or annoyance in somebody.

I remember what I learned from the family constellation training in August: ' everyone has an equal right to belong to the whole. If this rule is not met, the whole protests. ' That's most probably what has happened. Then I see that at another Albert Heijn also my poster is gone.

I suffer my negative energy. The so-called power of 'standing in my right' makes way for missing the gentle, loving, grateful energy, which I carried with me the last few weeks.

I understand the background of my anger, which comes from my past. And embrace that part of me that is in pain. Then I remember that I can make piece with the lady behind the desk and bike back to Albert Heijn. The has already gone home.

The next morning,right away after my tai chi lesson, I cycle back to Albert Heijn and offer her my sincere apologies to the woman behind the information desk. She takes my hands in her hands and says that she likes it so much of me that I have come back to say this. Still I remember how soft her hands were and how friendly her eyes. And my beautiful energy is back.

I am so grateful for this experience. And know that I will pick up my previous intention; to wait at least 24 hours to responding when I am angry.