Dealing with Emotions

The next day I don't remember if it has been a dream or not. It is that real. Strange to realize, that it still was a dream. What is 'dream' and what is 'reality'? The symbolism of a dream comes from so deep that I often experience it as purer than what is happening in the 'waking state'.


My 'dream':

Something has happened. I don't know what it is. It is something that happened between me and someone else. It is hanging around me in the room and fills the room untill the walls.
On the mantelpiece is a package. An oblong package. It looks like compressed paper, with strings at regular intervals, which pull everything together into a solid whole. It almost looks like a postal package, ready for sending. Even when there is no cover around it.

My attention is sucked to the package. Then I hear myself saying inside: "I don't need to go ìn it". My body is standing there powerful and at the same time relaxed. My body is angled turned from the package, my head is turned towards it.
This is new for me. This decision. The package stands for emotions. Many and complicated emotions. Entangled relationships. Feelings which have to do with my past. Many complicated and emotional things. It is so nice to look at it from the outside and to see only the outside and to decide not to go ìn it.

Before I always thought that I had to go ìn it! That the solution was hidden inside this package. That if I had worked through the package, some kind of liberation would come. That then all that compressed paper would unfold and it would be a beautiful happy painting full of simplicity and life. I thought that if I would not go ìn that package, I would never be able to be free, purely because I knew that this package was standing there 'unsolved'.

And now: I am standing there in that room. I see the package there. It is bounded, bundled. Ok, it contains all those emotions of many things that have happened, of many things that have been difficult for me. The package has a reason to be there. Reasons from my childhood, circumstances, genetic material... I look at it and don't have to do anything with it. It also doesn't have to go away. Actually it only takes up little space on the mantelpiece and an even smaller space in the room around me. And it is not even part of me. There is so much light in the room, where I can look at, in which I can move. I see that I can choose to keep moving in this light and that I don't have to choose to go in the package.

The package has something kind. Especially if it may just stand there. If it wants to be sent it is possible, but it doesn't have to...

After my 'dream'...

During the day and the next days again many things happen. Nice things and sometimes also complicated things, that affect me very deep. If the latter happens then I see the package standing on the mantelpiece and I am standing again in the room of my life. And again I feel very clear: I don't have to go ìn it. And it feels wonderful !