Mindfulness, Watching


For 4 months I stumble. One time more than the other, but my right knee is more and more painful, and especially going down the stairs, is becoming increasingly difficult.

Then I decide to consult a specialist physiotherapist. He is worried by seeing the greatly diminished size of the muscles of my right leg. In retrospect it is due to a condition to my heel, which I had for two years, which is the cause of my protecting my right leg. Because the muscles of that leg are thereby strongly reduced in size, there is a lot more load on the kneecap. Hence the pain.

My physical therapist: Frans,  indicates that it will be a long-term issue. I get exercises and should avoid all movements and positions that hurt my knee.

I am very glad that I have so many points of reference now, to the healing and start with observing everything, what hurts my knee.

And from moment one, I enjoy it tremendously! This gives so many new experiences in my life and it is such a wonderful meditation; such a wonderful exercise of  being 'in the moment'. Because you move all day. So it is giving attention from moment to moment. And I feel, that I pay attention from a space of love.: love for my knee, love for myself!

Being outside the physical therapists practice, I take my bike. I already know that stepping on the bicycle hurts in my knee. So now I'm going to invent something else. And really: when I stand at the right side of by my bike when getting onto it, instead of at the left side, it doesn't hurt.

My following challenge; pedalling less vigorously on the bike. I have quite a robust and heavy model bicycle and then it's hard to get started. Now I will do it differently. Very slowly I bring the pedals in motion. That means that I am not racing ahead of everyone else as the traffic light jumps on green, but that I am the last, and I can just reach across the street before the traffic light turns back on red.

Standing before the red light I step off my bicycle, until I stand with both feet on the ground and I do what Frans has prescribed me: overstretching my knees and letting go of my kneecaps (which is totally against the principles of bio-energetics and tai chi, but now I have my confidence to Frans!). And it has never lasted so briefly that the traffic light was on red. No more impatience on my part. But a wonderful experience: the rest in my knees, the relaxation of the moment for the stop light, with the sun shining on my face. And then again the careful going up my bike from the other side.

Then comes the tunnel under the railway ... At the go up I hear the voice of Frans: "switch back!!!". So very slowly, in first gear, I creep up.

I live first floor. Carefully I go up the stairs by putting my good leg on the next step and putting my much thinner right leg next to it.

Then when I do go shopping, I go backwards down the stairs. This I have never done, except when I was a very small child and could just walk. So I see the world from a completely different side and get the feeling back of being a child.

The Osho Dynamic Meditation the next morning is my real challenge. Because one thing is for sure: Frans does not allow me to bend my knees during the breathing stage. And standing with outstretched knees and loose kneecaps, while breathing so fanatically, is next to impossible. So I decide to do the breathing stage sitting on a chair. And to my surprise my breathing reaches deeper than ever into my belly. The third stage of the Dynamic Meditation is jumping up and down on the flat of the feet with arms raised in the sky. Jumping I could not do any more since long anyway. I replaced this already by standing up, bending through my knees and moving my pelvis up and down. That's far too great a load according to Frans. Then I would hurt my knee so many times. So I decide to do this stage of meditation sitting on the chair as well. Someone mentioned once that the seat-bones are our seat-legs. Now I imagine that that my seat bones are my feet. And through the legs of my hard wooden chair and my feet, which are standing befor me, I am connected with the ground.
And: ... it is going great!

I am proud and satisfied that I have been able to continue the Osho Dynamic Meditation! Because it brings me so much!

And like this my day goes on ... from moment to moment observing. While  dressing up, while starting to sit down on the toilet and so on.

What a great gift for my consciousness! And how new my daily life can be by caring for my sore knee!

I count my blessings and thank Frans for his good instructions!!!