Feeling Emotions


I have had a very painfoul conflict with my very best friend and when I am sitting on my balcony in half-darkness in the early morning, restlessness is raging through my body. My head tries to see things from my side, then from his side, but it doesn't help. When I have finished my oatmeal half, I take my tarot cards and pull cards about the situation. The cards are very much to the point, but when I get up from my chair, I cannot say that it has changed my restlessness in any way.

Through the quiet streets of the Sunday morning in Eindhoven, I bike to the belly dance studio, where I facilitate the Osho Dynamic Meditation. Two new people arrive and I explain the meditation in detail. I participate in the meditation myself, keeping my eyes open to take care, that people don't hurt themselves with their closed eyes.

Breathing deep, fast and chaotic in the first part of the meditation, I already feel how life and energy enter my body. What a power is available in my body. For a moment I have forgotten the conflict totally and breathe in a joyful way. In between I shout some instructions to the people, who do the meditation for the first time.

Then we enter the discharging-stage. In the beginning I am still occupied with how the new people will be doing. Then I realize, that I will never know this. So back to myself. I scream and beat the floor in an angry way. And then, suddenly, crouched on the floor, from very deep within, a softer screaming arises, that swells to louder. It comes from a very deep pain. A pain, which is pure and liquid and is welling up from deep within. There is only one word for it and that is: 'real'. I cry out the pain as it is, without wanting to change anything to the situation, to my friend or to myself. It is a very modest, humble feeling. A surrender to what is. An acknowledgement of the pain, without needing to change anything. This pain has a beauty.

The crying "hu-hu-hu" in the third stage of the dynamic meditation is effortless now and has a natural power. And the silence of the fourth stage, which follows, is beautiful. Nothing has to be done. Only the being is. And in the fifth stage I dance my self grateful.

With a cup of tea I share with the other participants the joy of the fresh feeling, which has arisen because of the meditation. All restlessness has gond. My head is not mulling over the conflict any more. And grateful I cycle home through the spring sunshine.