Meditation of the Month

(This Meditation you also find in the newsletter)

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  Meditation of the month October:

wheel of a ship

About Being Responsible Yourself

And remember, there is going to be an interim period, an interval, when the ego will be shattered, when you will not know who you are, when you will not know where you are going, when all boundaries will melt. You will simply be confused, a chaos. Because of this chaos, you are afraid to loose the ego. But it has to be so. One has to pass through the chaos before one atttains to the real center. And if you are daring, the period will be small. If you are afraid, and you again and again fall back to the ego and you again start arranging it, then it can be very very long; many lives can be wasted.

I have heard: One small child was visiting his grandparents. He was just four years old. In the night, when the grandmother was putting him to sleep, he suddenly started crying and weeping and said: "I want ot go home. I am afraid of darkness." But the grandmother said: "I know well that at home also you sleep in the dark. I havd never seen a light on. So why are you afraid here?" The boy said: "Yes, that's right - but that is my darkness. This darkness is completely unknown."

Even with darkness you feel: "This is mine. Outside, an unknown darkness." With the ego you feel, this is my darkness. It may be troublesome, maybe it creates many miseries, but still - mine. Something to hold to, something to cling to, something underneath the feet; you are not in a vacuum, not in an emptiness. You may be miserable but at least you are. Even being miserable gives you a feeling of 'I am'. Moving from it, fear takes over; you start feeling afraid of the unknown darkness and chaos. Because society has managed to clear a small part of your being. It is just like going to a forest: you make a little clearing, you clear a little ground; you make fencing, you make a small hut; you make a small garden, a lawn, and you are okay. Beyond your fence, the forest, the wild.. Her everything is okay - you have planned everything.
This is how it has happened: society has made a little clearing in your consciousness. It has cleaned just a little part completely, fenced it; everything is okay there. That's what all your universities are doing. The whole culture and conditioning is just to clear a part so that you can feel at home there. And then you become afraid: beyond the fence there is danger.
Beyond the fence you are, as within the fence you are - and your conscious mind is just one part, one-tenth of your whole being; nine-tenths is waiting in the darkness. And in that nine-tenths somewhere your real center is hidden.

One has to be daring, courageous. One has to take a step into the unknown. For a while all boudaries will be lost. For a while you will feel dizzy. For a while you will feel very afraid and shaken, as if an earthquake has happened. But if you are courageous and you don't go backwards, if you don't fall back to the ego and you go on and on, there is a hidden center within you that you have been carrying for many lives. That is your soul, the atman, the self. Once you come near it everything changes, everything settles again. But now this settling is not done by the society. Now everything becomes a cosmos, not a chaos; a new order arises. But this is no longer the order of the society, it is the very order of existence itself.
This is what Buddha calls dhamma, Lao Tzu calls tao, Heraclitus calls logos. It is not man-made, it is the very order of existence itself. Then everything is suddenly beautiful again and for the first time you are really beautiful, because man-made things cannot be beautiful. At the most you can hide the ugliness of them, that's all. You can decorate them but they can never be beautiful.

Osho, Returning to the Source # 5

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